my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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