..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
