I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
