The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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