I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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