Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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