dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
