So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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