I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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