Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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