listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
