You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
