I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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