Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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