Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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