Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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