Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
