yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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