i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
