i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
