Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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