1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the condom got lost in my hair
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
