I want to stick my p in your. b.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
