I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
