is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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