Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
