Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
