i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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