I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
