I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize