I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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