you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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