Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Redeem this text for a blowjob
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
