You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
