I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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