My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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