I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
