Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
