she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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