You really coming over, don't trick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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