i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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