There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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