you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
