Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
