someone threw a dead crab at me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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