I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
