Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
