New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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