Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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