If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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