He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
