Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
