I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
