do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
